I have not been blogging regularly and there is a reason for it.....
My husband and I have been trying to have another child for about 8 months now with no luck. I have a condition called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), which basically does not allow me to ovulate each month. Here is a link if you are interested in finding out more about this condition from the Mayo Clinic. There is no cure for PCOS and it is not known why women get it. I have struggled with infertility since trying to conceive Little Bird.
We have spend the past month running around like maniacs. I found out that this cycle, which was our first, did not work. I have been trying to keep it together but as you can imagine it has been hard to do. I have been through so many let downs, tests, ultrasounds, shots, medications that we still don't quite get how this did not happen. I feel so inadequate. I am very angry and upset right now and still trying to wrap my head around it all. I have been trying to come to grips with the fact that it is God's will and not for me to understand at this point. I know that it will come in time and blah, blah, blah, I am tired of hearing that. Normally I am not like this, I am more of a put on your big girl panties, get the hell over it and do what you have to do but I just feel so differently about this. Pity party anyone? It's at my house tonight around 5.....BYOB
Really I have everything in the world to be thankful for. I have a husband who loves me, three beautiful little girls and wonderful group of friends. I cherish everyday with them. God has certainly given me some blessing, I know!
So onward.....I am waiting to find out when we start round 2. I am trying to mentally prepare myself for either scenario. I know that God will guide us but right now it is hard to keep my faith up.
And since no blog is interesting without some pictures.........Here are some people I am thankful for!
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| Little Bug |
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| Peanut |
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| Little Bird |
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| The Hubs |
Your a tough cookie & you will get through this, you will conquer this! Good luck tomorrow! xoxo
ReplyDeleteoh, i resonate with this one. hubby and i have been on the hard road of infertility as well. while i am now at peace with where we are, it has not been easy. i remember well the angry tears and the feelings of helplessness, jealously, inadequacy. i don't have any great words of wisdom, just know that you are not alone, and god is present. sending hugs!
ReplyDeleteBig Hugs to you Anne!! When Uncle Ray was lucky enough to meet you again as a grown, beautiful young woman he was struck by how warm, loving and mothering you are. I am so sorry you are going though this. Sometimes it is hard to figure out why bad things happen to good people. I am glad to see even with your well deserved anger and disappointment you still appreciate what you DO have. My prayers are with you that you will soon be able to have this baby you truly want.
ReplyDeletexoxo Aunt Beth
I think you would be shocked to know how many of us have been in your shoes.
ReplyDeleteWe had our first three boys when we were young and first married. Hubby had a vasec. and we were done...until 10 years later when we both very much wanted another child. Fast forward 2 years, much praying and saving pennies we had it his vas. reversed. In the midst of all of this God brought us our daughter through adoption. We then got pregnant with identical twin girls which we ended up losing at 22 weeks. We then could not get pregnant, I was crushed, then a miscarriage, I was broken. I finally called my doctor to set up an appointment for a tubal ligation...I was done with the heartache.
As fate would have it...I got pregnant with Baby Boy just 2 weeks before I was scheduled for surgery...at 42!
I understand where you are and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I'm so glad you shared, Kim
It is amazing how many hidden connections fertility issues will reveal. Kim, I had no idea about your story, too! I commend you for your strength, to continue trying and keeping faith. Will keep you in our prayers :)
ReplyDeleteHaving the courage to share this publicly on your blog shows incredible strength. You are strong. It shows. Sending prayers from here.
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