Confessions of a perfectly imperfect mom

Before I begin this post I just wanted to say a few words on this Time Magazine article about being "Mom enough".  I know I am a really late on this and it's probably old news, but this whole "Mompetition" crap is, well, crap.  I don't believe that any single person in this world has parenting down pat and there is no right or wrong way to parent your children.  We all do what is right for our families and really we are all Mom enough.  Shame on Time Magazine for making parents question if their choice of parenting is right.  Enough with the Mompetition bs.  Am I right?  Yeah!  High fives all around! 


Okay, I am off my soapbox!  Now for our regularly scheduled program.  When I read someone else's blog, I feel sometimes they are not completely forthcoming with their lives.  It's not that they are lying it's just we get a small glimpse into their world and usually they are putting their best foot forward.  Writing about things like how perfectly clean their house is, a schedule they follow or well behaved their children are. And believe me, there is nothing wrong with showing of your accomplishments!. I just thought I would write a really, real post about how things go down most of the time in my house.  I am far from perfect, I am perfectly imperfect!

Some days I dream of being "that Mom".  You know the woman whose hair is perfectly coiffed, impeccably dressed, always saying the right thing, knows where everyone needs to be and when, gets them there with a big smile in her minivan.  Her kids are well rounded, incredibly polite and also impeccably dressed.  They have been playing/doing (insert choice activity here) since they were born.

Then my dreams are dashed by reality......

Instead there is me, "oh that Mom".  I am lucky to blow dry my hair most days, let alone find something to wear that looks like I didn't just put on whatever was laying on the floor.  I spend most mornings just wanting to pull my sopping wet hair out, while trying to get the kids up, fed, dressed, groomed and out the door.  I am normally in my pj's until 8:10, we need to be to the bus stop by 8:15.  Isn't that how everyone starts their day? Completely stressed?  I thought so.

I yell most of the time, even more so when we are in the car.  Normally it goes something like "Stop hitting", "Stay on your side of the car", "I don't care if you threw that into the back back (totally the technical term for the cargo space in my SUV), you cannot take your seat belt off while I am driving" and my favorite "Don't make me pull this car over."  An idle threat, I know, because I am normally running late and really cannot pull the car over.  Car rides are very frustrating for me in general because of the whole walking and chewing gum thing....Please let's just not go there.

I swore I would never be like my parents.  But I always catch myself saying "if you are going to eat like a pig I will put your plate on the floor because that's where animals eat." or "If you slam that door or stomp your feet one more time, I am going to take your door off for the rest of the night and make you march." Then I say to myself "Self, damn it, shut up! You cannot say the things you vowed not to say."

My kids frustrate me and push my buttons all day long, as I am sure most kids with parents do.  Who needs a time out?  ME!  I am always asking if I can go to my room and stay there, they tell me no.  My punishment is to go get them something to eat.  Wait, I though I was the parent......GO TO YOUR ROOM until I tell you you can come out!  I shake my head again at how much I sound like my parents.

I curse, a lot.  I sometimes say things that make a truck driver blush. I sure do make my Momma proud!  I honestly thought my kids first words were going to be curse words, I was shocked relieved that they were not!

I do smile a lot, when there is alcohol involved.  Never while driving though, because it is against the law to smile drink and drive.  I have heard that going to jail can put a huge damper on an otherwise good day.

The Hubs wants to buy a minivan because it will "give us more room to transport things", but I cry silently inside every time we look at one.  I cry not tears of joy like when you hold your newborn baby for the first time, they are tears of why-on-God's-green-earth-do-I-want-to-become-a minivan-mom?  I mean, no offense to my minivan mom friends, you all still rock in my book.  I just admit I am not cool enough to rock one!  I also have not found one that is 4 wheel drive, not that I go ANYWHERE in the snow, it just makes me feel better that I have the wheels that grip while I grandma it down the road, faster than a speeding snail! I don't want to tote other people's kids around, all cry-y, snotty noses, and what not. Does that make me a bad person?  I don't think so.  I am happy with my little CR-V, just me and my family, no snot nose kids.  That baby has 200K on her and still runs like a champ!  I say why mess with a good thing?  Totally done ragging on the minivan moms!

Every Some Saturday mornings I would like to sleep in until 7:30 or maybe even 8 am, so a movie-to-keep-you-occupied-whilst-I-sleep-a-little-longer is how we usually begin our weekends.  It is better for them this way.  Then I wake up all bright eyed and bushy tailed, ready to start my day, not really.....

They whine about STARVING.  I scream at gently remind them that they should be thankful that they will never know what starving is and how there are all these children in Africa who maybe get one meal a day or week, whatever, they are starving.  My kids on the other hand are just bored.  I also swear they have a hollow leg or an extra stomach cause these kids can EAT.  And they are tiny little stick kids.  Damn, I sound just like my parents. Whatever, go ahead and judge but I am way cooler than they ever were.

Dinner is rarely on the table when it is suppose to be.  Actually I spent too much time working on this post this evening and now am typing this between stirs, it is 6:30 and the Hubs will be home at any minute.  Whoops. Oh well, at least tonight we will eat.  I kid.  We always eat, remember my kids don't know what starving is!

I am by no means, Donna Reid, June Cleaver or the like, nope, I am Anne.  I work, I am a mom and my energy is spent on other domestic goddess duties.  Cleaning is rarely one of them.  I am usually running around chasing children and saying no a lot.  It's tough being a no person, they always call you mean and what not.  I am just keeping it real for when they get older.  It won't be such a let down when they are told no by their bosses, right?  Wait, what was I talking about?  Oh yeah, how much of a domestic goddess I am.....I am known to do a mean load of laundry and leave it in there for a few days before realizing that I put laundry in there. Mmmm, yummay!  I loathe folding laundry and usually allow it to amass on various pieces of furniture for days on end before folding.  My toilet gets a good scrub only when I know guests are coming over.  Note to all, please have no expectations of cleanliness if you show up unannounced.

This entire house erupts in serious lahahahaughter whenever someone farts, burps or makes either noises with other body parts.  Peanut and Little Bird can burp the ABC's; I have never been prouder.....

The Hubs and I co-parent.  This means he is their father and takes part in most of the parenting duties.  Some of this has been solely my responsibility because I don't know any man that can breastfeed or give birth, but it would be nice, right?

My kids don't sleep in our bed.  It's my bed, I paid for it and I choose who sleeps in it.  My money is mine, unless the kids need something, notice I said need not want.  When the kids get a job they can spend their money on things they want.  I am selfish like that and I know it.

All joking aside, I love my kids and husband more than anything in this world and I would go to the ends of the earth for them.  We may not be perfect but what family is?  And while I joke about the day to day things, because it keeps me from the insane asylum, in all reality my family is loved and well taken care of.  They don't need a perfect mom, they just need me to be me.

Oh and I know you just cannot blog without pictures but seeing as I am not perfect, well, there are no pictures.  End-of-story.

So, what makes you a perfectly imperfect parent?